


a sound is still a sound around no one

by seekingsquake



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, the one that got away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28695873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingsquake/pseuds/seekingsquake
Summary: Iruka is marking up some poor kid’s homework with an impressive amount of red ink while double-checking the reports that the new desk trainee approved earlier. He says, “It’s a week-night,” and while his tone is faintly disapproving, his facial expression is wistful. “I have class tomorrow, and I know someone has gate duty in the morning.”“You’re boring,” Genma groans, but he reaches across the space between them and tugs gently on a strand of hair that’s fallen out of Iruka’s ponytail, taking any sting out of his words.When Iruka laughs, Genma wants to tug again. Instead, he pulls back.“I don’t know how it happened,” Iruka sighs. He’s still smiling, even as he complains. “I didn’t used to be like this.”He’s not sure when it started. Maybe he’ll never be able to pinpoint the moment. But Iruka smiles, complains, leaves red ink all over a small child’s hard work, and Genma wants to kiss him.Genma was going to confess his feelings to Iruka, but someone else beat him to the punch
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Shiranui Genma, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Shiranui Genma & Umino Iruka, unrequited Shiranui Genma/Umino Iruka
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	a sound is still a sound around no one

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jessicamiriamdrew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessicamiriamdrew/gifts).



> Inspired by [this](https://kakairuincorrectquotes.tumblr.com/post/639489886577147904) Tumblr post.
> 
> A huge thanks to both [stupidbadgers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidbadgers/pseuds/stupidbadgers) and [vulcanhighblood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanhighblood/pseuds/vulcanhighblood) for being great beta readers and cheerleaders <3

“Hokage-sama,” Genma says differentially as he steps into Kakashi’s office.

“Ah, Genma, what’s going on?” Kakashi’s feet are up on the desk and his nose buried in a copy of Icha Icha, but they both know it’s just for show. And when he peers over the top of the book and sees how serious Genma is, he completely drops the pretense. “Are you retiring?”

Genma almost laughs. “No, sir. I was hoping I could discuss a... personal matter with you.”

They’ve known each other for a long time. Genma had looked after Kakashi when Kakashi was a child entering ANBU, before Genma got pulled to be Minato’s personal guard. They’re not close, not the way that Genma is with Raidō or Kakashi is with Gai, but their comradery is strong, and there’s trust between them. Kakashi puts his novel down. “What’s up?”

The senbon in Genma’s mouth twitches just slightly to the left. He doesn’t fidget, and he’s not stiff, so someone who doesn’t know him wouldn’t be able to tell how uncomfortable he is. But Kakashi knows him. “I am only coming to you with this because we were friends long before you became my commander, and after we’re finished here, I won’t ever bring it up again. If I’m out of line, I will accept whatever consequences there may be.” Genma pauses, takes a deep, measured breath, closes his eyes. Gathers his resolve. Then he says, “Iruka-sensei.”

“Ah!” Kakashi murmurs, his eyes both curving up, indicating a smile. “You’ve come to congratulate me on my engagement!”

The senbon twitches. “Not quite.”

♥♥♥

_ He’s not sure when it started. One day, Iruka was just another chuunin that Genma works the mission desk with sometimes, and then the next day, Iruka was the only reason that Genma didn’t weasel out of those shifts anymore. They sit beside each other behind the desk; prim and proper Iruka with fresh ink, new stamps and a sunny disposition. And Genma, arms draped lazily over the back of his chair, chair leaning back so that the front feet are off the floor, mindlessly stamping reports until a juicy piece of gossip comes in the door. _

_ They shouldn’t get along, and at first, they don’t. But eventually, Iruka softens to the teasing and the ponytail pulling, and Genma can’t pretend to be lazy and incompetent all the time— he made it to tokujo somehow, and it wasn’t by being unfocused or irresponsible.  _

_ “Izu and Ko wanna hit up the bar when we’re off; you want in?” Genma asks one night as he’s filing accepted reports and prepping a memo for the payroll staff. _

_ Iruka is marking up some poor kid’s homework with an impressive amount of red ink while double-checking the reports that the new desk trainee approved earlier. He says, “It’s a week-night,” and while his tone is faintly disapproving, his facial expression is wistful. “I have class tomorrow, and I know  _ someone _ has gate duty in the morning.” _

_ “You’re boring,” Genma groans, but he reaches across the space between them and tugs gently on a strand of hair that’s fallen out of Iruka’s ponytail, taking any sting out of his words. _

_ When Iruka laughs, Genma wants to tug again. Instead, he pulls back.  _

_ “I don’t know how it happened,” Iruka sighs. He’s still smiling, even as he complains. “I didn’t used to be like this.” _

_ He’s not sure when it started. Maybe he’ll never be able to pinpoint the moment. But Iruka smiles, complains, leaves red ink all over a small child’s hard work, and Genma wants to kiss him. He wants to twine his fingers into Iruka’s hair, pull him close, and kiss him until they’re both breathless. What he does instead is stand up from his station and stretch, cracking his back and groaning. “I’ll go without you,” he warns, still teasing but not looking at Iruka anymore. _

_ “You should!” Iruka agrees. “You haven’t been out since you got back from Suna last week. You should relax, have some fun!” _

_ Genma tries not to read into the fact that Iruka’s apparently been keeping up with his schedule. Sometimes friends pay attention to whether their other friends are working too hard or not. It doesn’t have to mean anything. _

_ And if he wants it to mean something, then he’ll just keep that to himself. _

♥♥♥

“I’m afraid that I don’t understand,” Kakashi says, his brow furrowed.

“Promise me,” Genma grits, his fingers trembling where they’re linked behind his back and out of sight. “That you’ll be good to him.”

His chakra must be going crazy because Tenzō, in his Cat mask, steps out of the shadows and comes to stand behind Kakashi’s shoulder. Kakashi blinks, and blinks, and then says, “Oh.”

Seconds tick by, and then Kakashi follows that up with, “If I wasn’t good to him, I hope he would’ve turned down my proposal.” It’s a simple phrase, but it implies that Kakashi and Iruka have been together for... a length of time. Genma closes his eyes again, breathes, breathes. How stupid has he been; all these years?

“Promise me anyway,” he chokes, and he’s ashamed of how strangled it sounds. He’s a tokubetsu jonin; he should be more composed than this. It shouldn’t matter that his heart is breaking.

Kakashi studies Genma solemnly, then shoos Tenzō away. Tenzō doesn’t move, but his body relaxes, and he looks at Genma through the mask with such apparent sympathy, and Genma wants to scream. “I promise.” Kakashi rests his chin in the palm of one of his hands, still studying Genma closely. “And if I don’t, is it safe to assume that you’ll attempt to kill me?”

“I’m not threatening my Hokage,” Genma objects.

Kakashi waves his hand dismissively. “But you’re in love with my fiancé. You came here to tell me that. Is that not a threat of some kind?”

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. “It’s not.” Genma has too much pride to drop his head, but he’s not strong enough to not feel the tears gathering behind his eyes. He doesn’t blink, and then he does, and he can’t tell which is giving him away more. “I just wanted your word. Because it means something to me, Kakashi; your word. And if you’re telling me that you’ll take care of him, then I believe you. That’s all.”

After a few moments, Kakashi relaxes against the back of his chair. “He never told me about your feelings,” he admits quietly. “I wouldn’t have let you be blindsided if he had.”

Genma smiles just slightly. To think that Kakashi would have tried to protect him from this is absurd. The only way to protect him would have been to not get engaged at all. He says, “I never told him. I was going to, but. Got the news, instead.” He shrugs. “Missed my chance, I guess.”

♥♥♥

_ “Go out with me,” Genma says one night, just as he finishes closing up the mission desk. _

_ Iruka barks a laugh. “Where? It’s, like, almost 2 AM. Nowhere’s open.”  _

_ The fact that he misunderstood doesn’t surprise Genma, but it is disappointing. “I meant for dinner. This weekend. I’ll show you a good time.” _

_ The silence that follows is frightening, but Genma finishes sorting the desk. Iruka sets up the overnight security, and together they leave the room and walk down the stairs to the street. Their shoulders bump. Eventually, Iruka says, “Stop pulling my leg. Come back to me when you’re serious, and maybe I’ll think about it.” He grins, cheeky, and pats Genma on the shoulder. “Anko told me about what you guys got up to last week! I’m not interested in joining the club just for funsies, you know?” _

_ If Genma were braver, he would put all his cards on the table and come clean. Anko got him wasted last week to distract him from how much he was pining over Iruka, and things got out of hand. It didn’t even work, anyway, because when they woke up in the morning, Anko had rested her head on his chest and said, “Maybe you should tell him,” and he had asked her to leave. _

_ If he had any guts at all, he would turn to Iruka and say, “I’m serious about you. I don’t want anyone else. I want to take you to dinner, for real.”  _

_ But it’s 2 AM, and Genma is tired. Iruka is smiling, waiting for him to say anything, and Genma isn’t brave. He says, “Damn, sensei, I thought you were all about extracurriculars,” and he leers while pinching Iruka’s hip. _

_ Iruka laughs, pushes Genma away playfully, says, “See you tomorrow!” and takes to the rooftops. He runs off in the direction of his apartment, and Genma just stands there watching.  _

♥♥♥

“You have my word,” Kakashi says thoughtfully, looking at Genma with both eyes. “As your Hokage and as your friend. He’ll spend his life happy; I’ll make sure of it.”

Genma breathes, and breathes, and breathes. He feels his head nodding, and for the first time since he found out about the engagement, the knot in his stomach loosens just a little. He says, “I’m happy for you, Kakashi. You deserve this.”

“You’ll be invited to the wedding, but I can arrange for you to be out of the village if that would be better for you.”

He finds himself actually smiling, now, and he ducks his chin just a little. “I might take you up on that. Anyway, I’ll stop distracting you from,” Genma eyes the Icha Icha cover, and then the stacks of paperwork on the desk around Kakashi before finishing, “whatever you’re supposed to be doing.”

Kakashi snorts, then says, “Get the hell out of my office and take the rest of the day off. Gai will take you for drinks if you ask.”

When Genma exits the office, he still feels like shit, but he’s smiling, if only faintly.

♥♥♥

_ When Iruka comes into the mission room, he’s already blushing from ear to ear. “Someone got an early start on you, eh?” Genma calls from where he’s tabbing through a filing cabinet. _

_ “You could say that,” Iruka coughs, and when Genma looks up at him, he’s beaming. _

_ “Okay, spill the beans.” _

_ Iruka looks around. The desk isn’t quite open for the morning yet, so nobody else is there. Then he steps right into Genma’s personal space and whispers, “Can you keep a secret?” _

_ Genma can feel his brow quirking. His senbon bobs between his teeth. He matches Iruka’s tone when he whispers back, “You know I can,” and then he leers. _

_ When Iruka laughs, his hand comes up to grab Genma’s arm. It’s warm where they’re touching, and Genma could melt. Then Iruka leans a little more against him, angling his body so that his mouth is unreadable from nearly all directions. “Kakashi asked me to marry him.” _

_ “What?!” It’s undignified and unshinobi-like, but Genma squawks. Iruka shushes him by crowding against him even more and pressing his hands over Genma’s mouth frantically, but he’s laughing and obviously delighted. _

_ “It’s still a secret,” he says, close enough that his breath ghosts over Genma’s face. “You have to help me keep quiet about it until Kakashi makes an official announcement. You’re the only one I trust with this, please, Gen.” _

_ Iruka’s eyes are bright, and even though Genma feels like he’s suddenly got a lung injury, he nods. “You got it! Hey, now that you’re here, can you finish setting up? I have to run these up to the big boss.” Somehow, there are files in his hand that he waves around, creating a bit of space between himself and Iruka. He doesn’t know what they are, but he doesn’t care. He just... He just has to get out of the room for a minute. _

♥♥♥

When he makes it back to the mission room, the doors are open, and Iruka’s already got a line four shinobi deep. Genma slips the files back where he got them without letting Iruka see and then takes his seat at the post beside him. “Next,” he calls, and the day passes almost normally. 

As they prep for shift change, Iruka catches the hem of Genma’s vest. “Get lunch with me?”

He imagines Iruka’s hands on his face, can almost feel his breath, and resolutely doesn’t shudder. He says, “Sorry, man, I’ve already got plans with Gai.”

“Oh,” Iruka remarks, surprised, but he smiles anyway. “Have fun, then!”

♥♥♥

Genma drinks, and drinks, and drinks. He throws up all over Gai’s living room, and Gai crouches down beside him and rubs his back. “Breathe,” he says quietly, and Genma does his best.

♥♥♥

They have the wedding in the spring, only a few weeks after Iruka’s birthday. The ceremony happened outside of the Hokage Tower in the courtyard, and security was a nightmare, but the reception moved to the botanical gardens and was a little more contained. Genma is hiding behind a bush of white roses, nursing a beer and trying to remember how to smile.

He had almost asked Kakashi to send him away, but Iruka had asked so sweetly if Genma would sit beside Naruto in the front row. Even now, disappointing Iruka isn’t really an option, and so here he is, but there’s only so much a man can take.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Iruka murmurs, coming around the side of the bush. Genma almost curses but instead just pulls a mouthful from his beer bottle and doesn’t respond. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just not feeling great, and I didn’t want to sour the mood. Why aren’t you with your man?”

Iruka frowns at him. “I was worried about you. You know that I’ll support you no matter what, no matter the day, right?”

The thing is, Genma does know. Iruka’s a great friend, but that’s part of the issue. Before, Genma was good with being friends but always figured he’d have time to see if they could be something more. Now there’s no chance of that, and he’s still struggling to come to terms with the fact that friends, as good as it is, is all he’ll ever have. He’s grateful to have Iruka in his life in any capacity, but he’s mourning the future he thought they could have together.

He doesn’t know how to mourn and celebrate at the same time.

“Wanna dance?” Iruka asks, reaching out and wrapping his hand carefully around Genma’s arm. He tugs gently, leading Genma back to where the party is taking place. Genma manages to drop his drink off at one of the tiny bar tables scattered around before he’s pulled onto the dancefloor. Looking around for an escape, he catches Kakashi’s eye.

Kakashi observes, but he’s relaxed. He winks at Genma, raises his glass to him, and Genma fights the urge to scream. Iruka twirls him, then clasps their hands together. It’s a slow song, and they fall into a sway easily, naturally. And then Iruka drops his forehead against Genma’s, and Genma sort of wants to die.

“I love you,” he whispers before he can stop himself, before he can  _ think. _

“I love you, too,” Iruka whispers back, smiling, squeezing his hands. “Thank you for being here. You’ve become family to me, you know?”

Iruka’s always been a little bit dense; he’s so smart, but as soon as you bring feelings into it, Iruka almost becomes a robot. It’s one of the reasons Genma had started to like him in the first place. How can someone unravel fuuinjutsu theory without blinking but repeatedly misunderstand being flirted with? When it was happening to random people, Genma had laughed. Since it started happening to him, he began to find it a little less harmless. One day, when he’s not hurting so much, he’ll have to ask how Kakashi got through to Iruka because it must be quite the story.

“Well, you’re stuck with me now,” Genma says, trying not to sound strangled. “And if you and Kakashi ever get divorced, you know who to call.” Then he leers because if he doesn’t make it over the top, it’ll sound too sincere, and Iruka tosses his head back and laughs loud enough that it draws the attention of the people dancing around them.

It’s both a blessing and a wound when Kakashi cuts in, plucking Iruka from Genma’s grasp smoothly, confidently, and Iruka goes with enthusiasm. The song picks up a little, and dancers spin around him, and somehow he ends up in Gai’s arms. 

“You don’t have to do this,” Gai says, his smile wide and gleaming to ward off anyone who might interrupt them, but his eyes mournful. “No one would blame you for going home early.”

“I love him,” Genma responds quietly. “And that means that... I just want him to be happy.” They both look across the dancefloor to where Iruka and Kakashi are, the newlyweds looking at each other like they’re the only people in the room. “He looks happy, doesn’t he? They both do.”

♥♥♥

He’s not sure when it started. One day, he was begging off his mission desk shifts and only seeing Iruka at the bar because he could temper some of the heartbreak with alcohol, and the next, he was crying with laughter as Iruka recounts the tragedies of his anniversary vacation while they file away reports.

“Honestly, Genma, I don’t know why he’s so fucking tired all the time when he makes Shikamaru and Naruto do most of his paperwork anyway, but I swear to god, he slept, like, the whole time.”

“What a waste of a good hot spring,” Genma commiserates, hiding his grin behind a file.

Iruka huffs. “Don’t even. So we have this fancy dinner, right? And then I go up to soak because Kakashi splurged on the room with the private bath in the back. So after a while, he joins me, but he sinks down real low in the water, because,” he pauses, waves his hand around the lower half of his face, sighs. “And I’ve got my eyes closed because I deserve to relax, right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“So we don’t talk for a bit, but eventually I ask him a question, but he doesn’t answer. Do you know why?”

Genma already wants to cackle. He says, “Why?” trying to contain himself.

“Idiot fell asleep with his face underwater and was fucking drowning, that’s why!” Iruka exclaims, caught between despair, hysteria, and laughter.

He can’t help it; Genma shrieks with laughter imagining his Hokage, face down in a hot spring, drowning while Iruka just sits beside him with his eyes closed. He slaps his chest as he wheezes, tears in his eyes. “Ho-holy fu-u-u-ck,” he manages to spit out.

“Maaah,” Kakashi says, appearing from... somewhere. He drops a whole box of files on the mission desk between Iruka and Genma’s seats. “I got to spend my anniversary with my beloved, kissing me and begging for me to be with him. What could be better?”

“It’s called CPR, you dumbass,” Iruka gripes, and Genma just laughs harder.

“I-I-I I think I ne-e-ed CPR,” he gasps, waving a file in front of his face. “I ca-a-an’t bre-e-eathe.” Kakashi snorts, and Iruka gives Genma a push but laughs, and they’re all happy.

Maybe it’s not what Genma had pictured for himself a year ago, but all the components are still there: Iruka, flirting, laughter. And if he and Kakashi are better friends than ever before, how can he complain? He drapes himself over Iruka’s shoulders and leers, “Oh, Iruka-sensei, please help me; I think I need some rescue breaths.”

“You’ll really need a rescue breath in a minute when I knock the air out of you,” Iruka warns, but he’s fighting a smile. 

Kakashi says, “You’re getting a little friendly with my husband, hey, jonin-san?” but even he’s relaxed and smiling.

He’s not sure when it started, but Genma’s doing really well. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song [I Want You to Love Me by Fiona Apple.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N541HLPeG6Y)


End file.
